Traumatized
“You have to clean up everything here. Did you understand me? And after that you come to me! “Thats what I heard when I could think clearly again. I sat in this shop surrounded by broken glass and thought about how I just wanted to go shopping, but then something happened that I would have never expected to experience again. After more than ten years I saw my father again, I was full of anger when I approached him. I yelled at him and asked why he had left us, but he didn’t answer. I was so angry that I lost control and I started throwing everything I could grab in his direction, but not really at him because I didn’t want to hurt him. While I was doing that, I started screaming the same sentence repeatedly, I screamed that he should go away and never come back even though I wanted him to stay deep down. Now, that I am sitting here and tidying everything up, I can't really explain how I felt. There were to many emotions in me, I just know that everything felt surreal at that moment, I never expected to see him again, but there was he standing, not even ten minutes ago, and looking sadly into my eyes. A part of me felt bad for him, I don’t know why. I got to the owner of the shop, who was a friend of mums and she said: “Jay, you have to pay for the items that you broke.” I had not much money with me so I told her I will give her the money tomorrow; I had no other chance because if I didn't promise, she would tell my mother everything and that would be the worst way for her to find out about what happened. When I got home to my mother, I told her everything immediately. She didn’t even yell at me as I expected her to do, she just stood there as if she was frozen. I asked her if she was ok, but she didn’t respond- she looked at me as if she felt sorry for me, ran into her room and closed the door. I heard her crying and didn't know what to do. After three hours I heard my mum open the door and coming downstairs to me. She said that we had to talk, and I told her to sit down and brought her a glass of water. She took my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said: “Jay, you can't have seen your father, don’t you remember he died when you were six years old. And then the memories came up again, I passed out and when I woke up the school bell rang, and I noticed that I was asleep again in class. For the second time today, maybe that’s why I don’t write good grades.
Plattform 25
I heard a loud rattle of the rails when a loud breeze blew through the train station. It was autumn break and my mum and I wanted to go on a short trip to London. I was so excited because I hadn’t been there since I was three. And now I’m sixteen! We were waiting for our train at platform 25. I looked up on the display “fifteen minutes left, mum”, I said.
“Oh yeah”, she answered, “I’m…”
Suddenly, her phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Oh hi”
“Yes”
“No, she didn’t. Tell me.”, she looked at me with her eyes wide open. She looked very angry. I wondered who this could be because I couldn’t recognize the voice. My mum looked so shocked and angry that my whole body began to tremble. I thought that it could be my math teacher.
“Ok. I will talk to her” my mum said to the other person.
“Bye”
She put her phone away and looked at me.
“Ann?”
“Yes”, I answered.
“Guess who just called me.”
“I don’t know.”
“I know that you know.” she said in a more aggressive way. My body was still trembling and I didn’t know how to answer.
“Maybe Mr. Brown?”, I said. He is my maths teacher.
“Correct. And why you didn’t tell me that you got back your math class test one week ago?”
“I wanted to tell you, but…”
“I can’t believe that you got your second F in a row!”
“I can explain.”, I said.
“No! There is nothing to explain. We had this conversation so many times before and every time you said that this will change!” She began to scream and became more angry.
“I know”, I said, “but I don’t like maths and this stupid teacher!”
“It’s all because your stupid friends. You hang out with them all the time instead of doing your homework or learn for your class tests!”
“Mum!” I threw the bag on the ground and ran away. I was so angry because every time she puts the blame on my friends. I ran down the hall, through the crowd and my mum ran behind me.
“Stop, please”, she screamed. But I kept running. At the end of the platform I jumped down onto the rails. My mum still behind me and screaming to stop. Every time when I turned around, she came closer and closer. I thought what to do now and where to go. I crossed one rail after the other. Suddenly, I heard something very loud and when I looked up, I saw something red just in front of me and felt someone grab my arm.